The play has many invisible characters and three real ones - the Old Man (95 years old), the Old Woman (94 years old) and the Orator (45-50 years old). There are two empty chairs on the front stage, three doors and a window on the right, three doors and a window on the left, near which there is a black board and a small elevation. Another door is deep down. Water splashes under the windows of the house - the Old Man, having hung himself over the windowsill, is trying to make out the floating boats with the guests, and the Old Woman begs not to do this, complaining of a putrid smell and mosquitoes.

The old man calls the Old Woman Semiramis, but she uses the caressing words “darling”, “honey”, “baby”. In anticipation of the guests, the old people are talking: it used to always be light, but now the darkness is impenetrable, and there was once such a city of Paris, but it faded four thousand years ago - only the song remained from it. The old woman admires the old man’s talents: it’s a pity that ambition was not enough for him, and yet he could be the chief emperor, editor-in-chief, chief doctor, chief marshal ... However, he nevertheless became a marshal of flights of stairs - in other words, a gatekeeper. When the Old Woman inadvertently adds that there was no need to dig into the land, the Old Man is filled with tears and loudly calls for mommy - with great difficulty, the Old Woman manages to calm him with a reminder of the great Mission. Tonight, the Old Man must convey the message to humanity - for the sake of this, the guests have been convened. Absolutely everything will be gathered: owners, craftsmen, security guards, priests, presidents, musicians, delegates, speculators, proletariat, secretariat, military men, hillocks, intellectuals, monuments, psychiatrists and their clients ... The Universe is waiting for the News, and the Old Woman cannot hide proud pride : finally, the Old Man decided to speak with Europe and other continents!

There is a splash of water - the first guests came. Excited old people waddle to a door in a niche and escort an invisible guest to the forefront: judging by the conversation, this is a very gracious lady - the Old Woman is subjugated by her secular manners. The water splashes again, then someone aggressively rings the doorbell, and the Old Man freezes on the threshold at the front quietly in front of the invisible Colonel. The old woman hurriedly makes two more chairs. Everyone is seated, and a conversation is being started between the invisible guests, which is more and more shocking to the owners of the house - the Old Man even considers it necessary to warn the Colonel that the dear lady has a husband. Another call, and a pleasant surprise awaits the Old Man - a “young charming woman” has come, in other words, a childhood friend with her husband. An invisible, but clearly representative gentleman presents a picture as a gift, and the Old Woman begins to flirt with him like a real whore - lifts her skirts, laughs out loud, builds her eyes. This grotesque scene stops unexpectedly, and the turn of memories sets in: The old woman tells how the ungrateful son left the house, and the Old man laments that they have no children - but maybe this is for the better, since he himself was a bad son and left his mother to die under the fence. The doorbells follow one after another and the action speeds up:

The old man meets the guests, and the Old Woman, panting, drags out more and more new chairs. It is already hard to push through the crowd of invisible guests: The old woman only manages to ask if the Old Man has put on his underpants. Finally, the calls fall silent, but the whole scene is already lined with chairs, and the Old Man asks the belated invisibles to be placed along the walls so as not to disturb the others. He himself makes his way to the left window, Semiramis freezes near the right - both will remain in these places until the end of the play. The old people are having a secular conversation with the guests and echoing through the crowd among themselves.

Suddenly, a rumble and fanfare are heard from behind the curtains - this was granted to the emperor. The old man is beside himself with delight: he orders everyone to stand up and laments only because he cannot get closer to His Majesty - court intrigues, what can you do! But he does not give up and, shouting the crowd, shares his suffering with the precious emperor: enemies feasted, friends betrayed, beat with a baton, put a knife in, put up a leg, did not give a visa, never in my life sent an invitation card, destroyed the bridge and destroyed the Pyrenees. .. But then enlightenment came upon him: it was forty years ago when he came to kiss daddy before going to bed. Then they began to laugh at him and got married - they proved that he was big. Now an orator will appear, will present the saving message, for the Old Man himself - alas! - she really can't speak.

The voltage rises. Door number five opens unbearably slowly, and Orator appears - a real character in a wide-brimmed hat and cloak, similar to an artist or poet of the last century. Without noticing anyone, the speaker goes to the stage and begins to sign autographs to the invisible. The old man addresses the audience with a farewell word (the Old woman echoes him, moving from sobs to real sobs): after long labors in the name of progress and for the benefit of mankind, he will have to disappear with his faithful girlfriend - they will die, leaving an eternal memory. Both showered with confetti and Orator’s serpentine and empty chairs, and then with a cry of “Long live the emperor!” each jump out of his window. Two cries are heard, two bursts. The speaker, who was impassively watching a double suicide, begins to mumble and wave his arms - it becomes clear that he is deaf and dumb. Suddenly his face brightens:

grabbing the chalk, he writes the big letters DDR on a black board ... ACCESSIBLE ... PRDRB ... Looking around the invisible audience with a satisfied smile, he awaits a delighted reaction - then he growls dark, bows sharply and leaves through the door in the depths. On the empty stage with chairs and stage strewn with serpentine and confetti, exclamations, laughter, coughing are heard for the first time - this invisible audience diverges after the performance.